There is so much more I want to share with you, as every day turns to night…
and every night turns to dawn.
The ache in my heart has only become more painful and I am now certain that ‘time’ does not heal.
I want to talk to you. I want to laugh with you.
And mostly I want to live life with you.
The memories mix into my day…ingredients that I cannot live without.
I can pour milk into a bowl of cereal and the tears well up in my eyes.
Just like that. Soggy cheerios and salty tears. All at once.
I know you would love to see my kids now…you would so much enjoy their smiles, laughs and their budding personalities…
And it stings…
I talk to you all day…but it’s lonely with your silent reply.
I day dream of sunny days in my yard with you sipping a cup of black tea…
just watching the kids play.
I think of how much you would enjoy chatting with all of us and I imagine what it would be like if you wouldn’t have died.
And I remember.
I flip through pages and pages of what we call ‘time’ in the album of life.
The moments and memories become a collage, and that becomes my day.
Photos of nostalgia plaster my page all while living in the moment.
Embellished with sounds, scents, laughter and living.
Recognizing the emptiness and filling it with as much comfort as I can gather, and with as much strength as I can muster.
Loving more, living more, being grateful for.
A testimony to how you raised me with that sparkle in your eye.
And on this day I have not buried you.
I never did. And never will.
Alive in every part of my life.
Soggy cheerios and salty tears.